Identifying Emotions and Needs: A Guide to Your Emotional Landscape
Savannah Kruger
June 12, 2023
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As humans, we all have needs – needs like closeness, play, growth, the list goes on. When a need that’s important to us goes unmet, it can cause challenges in our lives. Those challenges become even more pronounced when we can’t identify what the unmet need is! Luckily, there are messengers trying to point us toward the unmet need. Those messengers are emotions.
My intent is to share the following to help you trace your emotions to corresponding needs, so you can make changes in your life to get those needs met.
So, let’s first identify what you’re feeling. The Feeling Wheel (created by Gloria Willcox) below is a great tool to help you get more precise about what you’re feeling.
The Feeling Wheel
Slow down and tune into your body. What emotion(s) are you feeling right now? What were you feeling earlier? You can start in the center of the wheel with the words that feel closest to what you’re feeling and then fan out to pinpoint what precise emotion you’re feeling.
Awesome, now that you have a sense of what emotion(s) you’re feeling, let’s see if it falls somewhere on either of the following lists. The first is a list of emotions that correspond with having your needs met and the second is a list of emotions that correspond with having unmet needs. Typically, positive emotions correlate with met needs and negative emotions correlate with unmet needs.
Feelings Associated with Met Needs
Affectionate
- Compassionate
- Fond
- Loving
- Openhearted
- Tender
- Warm
Engaged
- Absorbed
- Curious
- Engrossed
- Enchanted
- Enthralled
- Entranced
- Fascinated
- Interested
- Intrigued
- Involved
- Open
- Spellbound
- Stimulated
Excited
- Amazed
- Ardent
- Aroused
- Dazzled
- Energetic
- Enlivened
- Enthusiastic
- Exuberant
- Invigorated
- Lively
- Passionate
- Surprised
- Vibrant
Exhilarated
- Enthralled
- Radiant
- Electrified
- Euphoric
- Overjoyed
- Thrilled
Grateful
- Appreciative
- Moved
- Thankful
- Touched
Happy
- Amused
- Blissful
- Cheerful
- Delighted
- Ecstatic
- Elated
- Giddy
- Glad
- Jolly
- Joyful
- Jubilant
- Merry
- Overjoyed
- Pleased
- Rapturous
- Tickled
Hopeful
- Confident
- Expectant
- Jazzed
- Lighthearted
- Sanguine
- Up
- Upbeat
Inspired
- Amazed
- Eager
- Enthused
- Motivated
- Moved
- Psyched
- Stimulated
- Stirred
- Wonder
Peaceful
- Calm
- Comfortable
- Centered
- Content
- Equanimity
- Fulfilled
- Mellow
- Open
- Quiet
- Relaxed
- Relieved
- Satisfied
- Serene
- Tranquil
Refreshed
- Recharged
- Rejuvenated
- Renewed
- Rested
- Restored
- Revived
Do you feel any of the above emotions? If so that can be a great indicator that you’ve got a lot of your needs met.
Feelings Associated with Unmet Needs
Anger
- Aggravated
- Angry
- Animosity
- Annoyed
- Contempt
- Disgruntled
- Enraged
- Exasperated
- Furious
- Hate
- Hostile
- Incensed
- Irate
- Irritated
- Irked
- Livid
- Miffed
- Nettled
- Outraged
- Peeved
- Resentful
Aversion
- Abhorrence
- Appalled
- Bothered
- Displeased
- Disgust
- Dislike
- Enmity
- Horrified
- Loathing
- Repulsion
- Revulsion
Confusion
- Ambivalent
- Baffled
- Bewildered
- Conflicted
- Dazed
- Discom-bobulated
- Disoriented
- Mixed
- Mystified
- Perplexed
- Puzzled
- Torn
Disconnection
- Apathetic
- Bored
- Closed
- Detached
- Distant
- Indifferent
- Listless
- Numb
- Withdrawn
Embarrassment
- Anxious
- Closed
- Distressed
- Edgy
- Fidgety
- Frazzled
- Frustrated
- Jittery
- Nervous
- Overwhelmed
- Restless
- Stressed out
Disquiet
- Agitated
- Alarmed
- Concerned
- Distraught
- Disconcerted
- Dismayed
- Disturbed
- Frustrated
- Perturbed
- Rattled
- Restless
- Shocked
- Startled
- Surprised
- Troubled
- Turbulent
- Turmoil
- Uncomfortable
- Uneasy
- Unnerved
- Unsettled
- Upset
Tension
- Ashamed
- Chagrined
- Discomfited
- Flustered
- Mortified
- Self-conscious
Fatigue
- Beat
- Burnt-out
- Depleted
- Exhausted
- Listless
- Pooped
- Sleepy
- Tired
- Weary
- Wiped out
- Worn out
Fear
- Afraid
- Anxious
- Apprehensive
- Dread
- Fearful
- Foreboding
- Frightened
- Guarded
- Insecure
- Leery
- Mistrustful
- Panicked
- Petrified
- Scared
- Shaky
- Terrified
- Trepidation
- Wary
- Worried
Pain
- Aching
- Agony
- Anguished
- Devastated
- Grief
- Heartbroken
- Hungry
- Hurting
- Lonely
- Miserable
- Regretful
- Remorseful
Sadness
- Depressed
- Dejected
- Despairing
- Despondent
- Disappointed
- Discouraged
- Disheartened
- Forlorn
- Gloomy
- Heavy-hearted
- Hopeless
- Melancholy
- Miserable
- Unhappy
- Wistful
Yearning
- Longing
- Nostalgic
- Pining
Do you feel any of the emotions in the list above? That’s an indication that you may have some unmet needs. It’s so good that you know this because now you can do something about it! Check out the following list to see if you can identify which of these needs you might have.
List of Universal Human Needs
Connection
- acceptance
- affection
- appreciation
- belonging
- cooperation
- communication
- closeness
- community
- companionship
- compassion
- consideration
- consistency
- empathy
- inclusion
- intimacy
- love
- mutuality
- nurturing
- respect/self-respect
- safety
- security
- stability
- support
- to know and be known
- to see and be seen
- to understand and be understood
- trust
- warmth
Physical Wellbeing
- air
- food
- movement/exercise
- rest/sleep
- sexual expression
- safety
- shelter
- touch
- water
Honesty
- authenticity
- integrity
- presence
Play
- joy
- humor
Peace
- beauty
- communion
- ease
- equality
- harmony
- inspiration
- order
Autonomy
- choice
- freedom
- independence
- space
- spontaneity
Meaning
- awareness
- celebration of life
- challenge
- clarity
- competence
- consciousness
- contribution
- creativity
- discovery
- efficacy
- effectiveness
- growth
- hope
- learning
- mourning
- participation
- purpose
- self-expression
- stimulation
- to matter
- understanding
Now that you have a sense of what unmet needs you have, you can decide how you want to proceed. You can do one of three things:
- Meet the need yourself – There are many creative ways to meet your own needs. And there are some needs that are genuinely hard to meet on your own. See if you can brainstorm some potential solutions and if it truly feels like you’re dependent on someone else to get this need met then move on to options 2 and 3.
- Ask someone else if they’re willing to help you meet the need – Asking someone to meet your need is a request, not a demand. It’s hurtful to make or manipulate someone into meeting our needs. But, ultimately, there are situations where if the person decides not to meet your need it may be best for you to remove them from your life. If someone is unwilling to consistently offer you safety, for example, you can offer yourself safety by exiting the unsafe relationship.
- Accept that the need isn’t met – There are some situations where you’re caught between a rock and a hard place and there isn’t an easy solution. One might be choosing to put off a personal dream so that your partner can go to school for a set period of time. Another might be committing a massive chunk of your life to renovating your home and understanding that your need for harmony might be disrupted. There are sometimes trade-offs in life and that’s actually ok. Something that can help is making a plan and an agreement with yourself and any other parties involved that you will work to meet your forgone needs in such-and-such way by such-and-such time. Then at least you can know that trust that the need will be met in the future. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s at least something.
Additionally, I’ve created the Meeting Your Needs Process as a tool for you to do the above process in you own life. All in all, understanding what we’re feeling, navigating our emotional responses, and attempting to meet our needs is a dance. It’s never perfectly easy and it’s never a straight line. The more we listen to ourselves in this way the more we can live from our truth and create a life that lines up with our joy and our values. I’d love to hear what you’ve learned when it comes to relating to your emotions and needs in the comments.
With Love,
Savannah
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WRITTEN BY
Savannah Kruger
Hey! I help people heal trauma, design more beautiful lives, and create loving and secure relationships. Building this coaching practice has been a transformative experience for me. When I’m not at the computer, I’m typically off galavanting in the hills of Boulder, CO where I live, dancing wildly, running community events, or snuggling with my boo. Right now I’m nerding out on neurobiology, energywork, human sexuality, personal style, Persian cuisine, and DAOs. In the past I’ve designed and led a range of in-person and online programs at Harvard, with MIT, at Boulder Startup Week, and many others. I’m truly stoked you’re reading these very words! 😉
